Step 1. Make sure your Mom and Dad DO NOT spray anything yucky on your apple tree. They may not get very many apples, or they may be weird looking (the apples, that is, we already know the humans are weird looking), but that's OK. You want to make sure your tree is Organic.
Step 2. Have your Mom or Dad go out to the tree frequently to cut fresh branches for you, even if it is pouring rain. Fresh is best!
Step 3. Have your Mom or Dad remove most of the leaves and fruit. I know, these taste so good. But remember, nothing tastes as good as butt baths are bad. Or something like that. I know some of you buns out there know what I mean.
Step3b. While they are getting rid of all that good stuff, encourage your Mom or Dad to leave the side branches as long as possible. This allows you to get extra fun out of your tree, 'cause its really funny to watch humans hop. Mom says these sticks are worse than "damn Legos", whatever that means. I just know its funny. Or it used to be, when I could still see.*
Step 4. Have your Mom and Dad place your fresh sticks in several neat piles around the house. That will allow you to distribute them in the proper manner, to exactly the right locations. See Step 3b above.
Step 5. Whether you stumble across your sticks like I do, or just find them the usual way by looking, the fun part comes next. There are a couple of good ways to eat your sticks. First, you can slowly nibble the bark off, over a period of days. In the spring this can be hard to do. The plump new buds are so tasty, I just want to dive in and devour them all immediately. For a stick that has some age but is not too thick, I like to use the "spaghetti" technique. You can see that in this video Mom made for me.
Step 6. Remember to take frequent breaks, like I showed you at the end of my video. Eating an apple tree is hard work. You don't want to overdo it, and strain yourself.
Step 7. Repeat. Since we are buns, we are persistent, and that apple tree doesn't really stand a chance against us, does it?
Well, I hope you enjoyed my tutorial. If you have an apple tree eating technique that you'd like to share, let us know in a comment.
*Actually, what I do now is just imagine how funny it is. And, I get to do fun stuff like imagine Mom or Dad in clown suits, or with dog noses or kitty ears, or something else strange. A healthy imagination is a good thing.
